Matters of the Heart

Alright, I've been thinking about whether or not to blog about this, and I guess I'm going to go for it.

Some of you may know about this, and it may be a surprise to others (if anyone even reads this blog at all). This summer, July 13th to be exact, I will be having open heart surgery. Yep, real deal, cracked sternum, two-month-recovery heart surgery.

It all started about five years ago when I began working out and running on a regular basis. As I ran, I began noticing a numbness in my finger tips. If I kept going (which I usually did), the numbness would move up my arm and eventually lead to a sharp pain in my chest. I basically just wrote this off as weakness or a result of being out of shape. Looking back, this was a pretty stupid mentality. This went on for the next few years. Every time I would hike (which was actually what I was doing the very first time I felt the sensation), ride a bike, carry stuff up and down stairs or anything else that required much exertion, I would feel the numbness.

After Emily and I had been dating for a while, I told her about my situation. Being a nurse (and a clear-thinking human being), this didn't sit too well with her. I often made jokes with our friends about the "stick in my heart" and basically just laughed it off. She never laughed. After some time passed, we decided that it was time to get serious and get it checked out.

At the risk of writing a long, boring post, I'm going to leave it at that for now. I want to go in to more details about the actual problem, but Em isn't here and I can't remember the terminology. I'll be back soon with the details of the events that led up to us knowing that I need surgery.

I'm not sure why I feel the need to make all of this public. Maybe I could just use another place to vent my feelings, or maybe I want an easy forum to keep interested parties informed. Whatever the reason, if it leads you to pray, then please pray. If you have questions, feel free to ask (it's not really a touchy subject with Emily or me anymore as we have gotten pretty used to the fact that it's happening). If it inspires you to buy me Phish tickets for the fall tour to celebrate my recovery, then, by all means, feel free to do so. If it's a downer and you want to stop reading until its all over, well, I would certainly understand that, too. I'm sure I'll be writing about road trips and wearing my brother-in-laws underwear to Reds games again in no time.

This One Must Have Just Missed the Grammys....

48 Down

As you may or may not know, Emily and I just returned home from a whirlwind trip to Fargo, North Dakota. Spring Break 2010!! As most people would, you might be wondering what in the heck is in Fargo. Well, not much. The exciting part of the trip wasn't the city itself, but the reason for the trip instead.

A few years back, I became obsessed with road trips. Every chance I got I was hopping in the car and getting out of town. More often than not, I travelled for concerts. Sometimes I did it just for vacation. I try to make as little plans as possible and just figure it out as I go. Some of my most memorable road trips are as follows (in chronological order as best as I can remember)......

1. Cincy > the Rockies > the Tetons > South Dakota > back to Cincy

2. New Orleans (3 times)

3. Cincy to Vegas.

4. The East Coast, to Bar Harbor, Maine. This trip included a pilgrimage to a bar called Nectar's in Burlington Vermont - a college bar where Phish played and recorded many of there first shows.

5. A flight in to San Francisco, a drive up the coast with a flight home from Seattle.

6. A flight in to Reno, Nevada with some time spent in Lake Tahoe, Yosemite National park with a flight home from Los Angeles.

7. A round trip flight in and out of Denver with a road trip though Colorado, Utah, Wyoming, Montana, Idaho and New Mexico in between.

8. And, most recently, Cincy to Fargo with stops in Iowa City and a brief tour of Emily's childhood town, Champaign, IL.

These are just a few of my big trips. Sprinkled throughout are numerous small trips and mini-Phish tours.

Let me get to the point. A few years ago, I realized that I had a lot of states under my belt and decided that I would make sure to hit all of the lower 48 states by the time I was 30. I think I was about 25 at the time. I made it to all of them except North Dakota. Honestly, I had no idea why I would go to North Dakota, and I kinda doubted that I would pull it off.

That's where Emily came in. A while back, I told her about my goal, and she said "so when are we going to North Dakota?" She was immediately on board to help me finish it. Being that I turn 30 in a couple months, we decided that it was time to get on the road. We planned on going up back in February. The day before we were to leave, we realized, well, that it was February and we would be insane to go to Fargo in the middle of the winter. We opted for a weekend getaway in South Carolina instead (another great trip to the only other state that I was yet to visit). We made plans to hit North Dakota this past weekend.

So, there you have it. A goal met with not much time to spare. I have a million stories I could tell about the time I've spent on the road, and I plan to have a million more before I'm done. The continental united States is done. Now, it's on to the rest of the world.

Obsession

From time to time, I get obsessed with things. Long ago, it was Star Wars. When I got a little older, it was BMX bikes, then rock climbing (mostly indoor or in trees using all of the gear). A few months back, Cirque du Savory controlled the majority of my free thoughts. Most recently, I had a brief obsession about what it takes to look like a real lumber jack.

These days, my primary obsession is grad school. I can't stop thinking about it. I can spend hours at a time on line looking at different schools and their programs. When I see a school I like, I start looking at prices of apartments near the school and lists of hospitals near by that might need an amazing nurse.

I don't think its the actual thought of grad school that has me so obsessed. I think its the idea of adventure and change. Its not knowing where Em and I might be in a year that gets me all worked up. I'm not good at sitting still for too long. I mean, I moved out of my mom's house when I was 17, and I've lived in 14 different places since. The thought of possibly moving to a completely different part of the country, and especially doing that with my amazing lady, has me pretty excited. Obviously, I want to go to a good school, but location is playing a huge role in the schools we are considering.

The thought of moving isn't the only thing that makes me excited, though. It's also the idea of putting hard work to use. I'll explain. I got my job at Ford because my grandpa worked there. When I left, I started going to Raymond Walters which doesn't exactly have stringent enrollment requirements. I later transferred to main campus, and worked hard to keep my GPA high. Now, I'm looking at grad schools and teacher assistantships. The idea is to get in to a good school AND to get it paid for. For once, I am trying to reap the benefits of something that I have actually worked for. I've honestly never been in this position before, and its exciting.

Anyway, sorry this isn't a very exciting post. I just needed a break from looking at college websites and university rankings. I better get back to it.

Euchre

As some of you might know, I'm a big fan of Euchre. For me, it is the king of all card games. As you also might know, I get the crazy eye at the very mention of the game. Over the last few family gatherings, it has become a tradition that my cousin, uncle, dad and I will play a round when we get together. Usually a best two-out-of three thing. Friday, my family was all over at my aunt's house celebrating Christmas. A few hours in to it, someone brought it up. My heart started to race instantly. After a couple of games, my brother came in to the dining room and jokingly said "gambling at a family function? You guys should be ashamed." I told him we weren't gambling, but then I started to think. I actually was gambling - gambling my happiness. When I lose a game of euchre, my night is pretty much shot. I get so sad that I just want to go to bed. On the other hand, when I win, I am the happiest man on earth. The feeling is indescribable.

For example, Friday night, my cousin and were on a team playing against my dad and uncle. There is a pretty solid amount of smack talk coming from every corner of the table. My cousin and I win game one, and I'm feeling good. My dad and uncle make quick work of kicking our ass in game two. This is when I started getting nervous. I knew that my mood for the rest of the night depended on what happened in the next fifteen minutes. My cousin and I won 13 to one (I went alone when we were in the barn just to turn the screws a little). I was on top of the world. I didn't say much. Just smiled big and shook their hands. But, on the inside, I was absolutely ecstatic. My dad was planing on leaving after that game, but my uncle, not wanting to finish on such a sour note, talked him in to staying for one more. Nervous again. My cousin and I agreed, but only after we made it clear that we had won the "official game." They came out strong, but after an amazing comeback, my cousin and I emerged victorious once again. Ecstatic.

Am I nuts? How do I get so worked up over a card game? As high as I am when I when, I am equally as low when I lose. Is it worth it? I would have to say yes. I can handle the lows (plenty of practice being a Bengals fan) for a chance at the highs. I'll tell you this, while there might not be any money at stake, when I sit down to play euchre, I am definitely gambling.

Pain in the Neck...

So Emily, Lucy and I were in a car accidnet a week ago today. Nothing major. A girl wasn't paying attention and ran in to the back of our Jeep. Her mom was following her, and she said that she was looking in her rear view mirror to see if she was still behind her. When she looked back ahead, traffic was stopped and it was too late. If I had to guess, I would say she was going about 20-25 mph when she hit us. Neither of us saw it coming. The worst thing that happened at the time was Lucy slammed in to the back of my seat. The Jeep didn't have a scratch, but the girl's hood was mangled.

The weird thing is that we are still feeling the effects. I felt stiffness in my neck almost immediately. It took Em about two days to feel anything. Sunday, she could barely turn her head, and I have had a dull, annoying headache basically non-stop since the wreck. We can't get in to our family doctor until Monday, so I'm not sure what to do. Might be a waste of time by then.

Anywho, I suppose the morals of this story are to put your dog in a seat belt, and drive a Jeep. You may have to replace the radiator from time to time, but it will beat a Civic in a collision any day of the week.

Gift Time, Once Again

I know I'm not alone, but Christmas stresses me out. I love visiting family, and I enjoy buying and giving gifts. My problem is, I hate having to tell people what I want. My family is all about gifts. Every year, right around turkey day, people start thinking about presents. I can't talk to someone in my family without being asked "what do you want for Christmas?" or "what does Em want?" Terrible problem to have, huh? Everyone wants to give me gifts, and here I am complaining about it.

The thing is, I don't need anything. I have everything I need to get through the day, and I have a stack of stuff up in the attic. Not only do I not need anything, but I don't have room for anything else. If you have ever seen Emily's and my living space, it is not very big and there is no room to spare.

The reason this is on my mind right now is because I just found myself surfing around on Amazon.com looking for stuff to tell people I want. Nothing in mind, just searching for stuff to want. This can't be right. Last year, I tried telling my family I didn't want anything. It didn't last long. It got awkward when I had to ask people what they wanted. I felt like I was making them feel bad for telling me.

I love Christmas, and I respect the origin off gift giving. I just wish that there was an easy way to transfer my gifts to people who really need them without disrespecting the people so generously gave them to me.